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Lessons I Learned From Disney: No One Likes A Vegan

Disney films like Lion King and  Aladdin taught me that I can totally hang out with tigers and not get my face ripped off.

 

But the earliest Disney films were packed with educational information for families across the country: “Eating meat and drinking milk are extremely important in being happy. That’s what I got from watching this Disney film called Health For The Americas: Planning for Good Eating (1946) [public domain video].

I like vegans. But I also like hamburgers.

In this video I learned:If you have seen any educational film from the early 1900s, then you will know how fun they are to watch. Hilarity  ensues from watching the scare tactics used on Americans to get them to do as you said.

  • Eating chili and cornbread for dinner will make you depressed. And it also means you’re poor.
  • Since you must have lots of land, being American and all, you have the ability to grow your own trees and crops.
  • Eat the right foods to get enough energy…to chop wood like a man.
  • There are only 3 foods groups. “Corn and beans are the same type of food” apparently.
  • “Careless” Charlie becomes “Careful” Charlie once he obtains all 3 of the food groups and has his wife cook them.
  • As a woman you also need energy obtained by eating these foods…so that you can take your rightful place in the kitchen.
  • It’s totally okay for a caterpillar to crawl out of your apples with a grin on it’s face.
  • If you don’t drink milk, you will be short. It’s “the perfect food”. Sorry vegans and lactose  intolerant children.
  • Eating fruits/vegetables will give you great bones, vegans. But without meat, you will always be scrawny.
  • Your fat gut is just displaced muscle.
  • If you don’t eat from all 3 food groups, YOU WILL DIE!
  • Plantains are cooler than bananas.
  • Your arms are made from sugar cane.
  • My food allergies aren’t important because I NEED to eat from all 3 food groups in order to not be depressed every time I eat.

Wait, aren’t beans in the meat group and corn in vegetables? And I thought tomatoes and peppers were fruits?

No? Okay Walt Disney. I’ll make sure to let my doctor know.

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