[insert current life goal here]

Last week I texted an old roommate of mine and I instantly wanted to punch myself for it.

Oh yay. That awkward moment when I initiate the conversation, and then realize I have to discuss what I’ve been up to lately. Which is nothing. The only excitement in my life these days is video game walkthroughs, Tumblr, Twitter, and a shout in a vlog I follow (though he did pronounce my name wrong) Ahh the life of a college graduate.

I’m going to keep in mind that I’ve been battling a fever for the past couple of days, so I may not be thinking rationally at the moment.

***I feel stuck.***

***I’m full of ideas, but no way of putting them into action.***

***I miss filming. Producing. Casting. Being on a film set.***

***I’m to the point where writing isn’t as exciting as I want anymore.***

***I’m just …graaaarrrgh.***

“Are you working on film sets yet?”


“So, then are you unemployed?”

Yes and no. Freelance, since I do get a paycheck yet don’t have a permanent contract. So no. But apparently that still puts me in the unemployed category these days. The awkward silence after mentioning “freelance” says it all.

I’ve come to the realization that since I have made it this far, received a college degree, and actually sat down and thought about what I want to achieve in my life, so why do I feel embarrassed when someone hears that I’m not doing anything at the moment.

I will be happy as long as I’m doing something I love to do.

Then again, what saying I’m doing nothing would be a lie. Lately I HAVE been doing something with my life.

  • I’m “taking” a shit ton online classes on various subjects for free via YouTube (at the moment, I’m watching a Yale course on the philosophy of death). I love learning and miss taking classes, just not the paying for college part.
  • I’m designing for sets for music video sets (they will be posted soon-ish!).
  • I’m learning to speak Korean so that I can communicate well enough to get a job in my field in South Korea.
  • I’m trying to get certified to teach ESL in Seoul (If you know of any good places to get certified online, let me know!).
  • Writing freelance, and hopefully part-time soon,  so that I don’t have to starve when I move to a foreign country.
  • Moving soon to a place where I can network like crazy.

I’m almost to the point where I’m ready to “start” my life.

이종현 of CN BLUE
I would love to do a music video for them!!!

It’s all thanks to the passion I have for what I do.  I will grin and bare it just as long as I can one day get to do what I love. My passion for what I do makes me hold back my urge of punching you in the face for looking down on my lack of success. Passion pushes me, terrifies me, and comforts me when I think that I can’t continue even when I think I can’t take it anymore.

One thing no one will tell you about being a grownup is that it takes SO much time and effort to get to where you want to be. Anxiety, stress, sadness, happiness. A frickin’ roller coaster of success and failures to get to where I want to be.

So what IS my current life goal?

To be on my own set again filming a music video.

Got that fellow college grads?

No, I didn’t give up on making music videos. I just know that I’m not a millionaire and a genie, so it’s going to take a little longer than I anticipated to get where I want to be.

Now please shut up and let me be, fellow grads. Be arrogant away from me. No matter what path I choose to get there, I will by my own time. Worry about your own goals.


And if you still think I’m crazy and have no future, I give you the middle finger…project. With a quote.

You aren’t crazy for exploring
You aren’t crazy for desiring
You aren’t crazy for being unapologetically selfish
And you aren’t crazy for only wanting the wildest, most exquisite, most exhilarating, heart-throbbingly unforgettable, top shelf experience this life has to offer.

But let them call you crazy
Because what they call crazy…
…is what they’re afraid to do themselves.
And I am certain
That in this one precious life
The crazies…
…not the cowards…
win.”–Ashley Ambridge of The Middle Finger Project

Images: Source, Source


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