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What television has taught me about hitting rock bottom


Every morning I wake up at 10, eat a nutritious breakfast of waffles, and head to my office, a yoga mat with a water cooler (my bathroom sink) nearby.

I’m in a place in my life where I have no idea what the outcome will be. And that terrifies me. Sure, I love a challenge just as much as the next guy. But I can’t help but imagine a bad outcome like a true pessimist.

And who better to teach me about how to deal with life’s fiery curve balls better than television.

Whenever I work I watch television. It is from these television shows that  I learn the best way to handle whatever life throws at you. Whether it’s a breakup or losing a job, television has taught me some great lessons on how to deal with hitting rock bottom.

Obviously, television isn’t what it used to be.

Every episode of Leave It To Beaver was about

morals…probably. I know The Brady Bunch taught me not to put my face in front of a moving football.

Now it’s: If you’re boyfriend broke up with you because he’s a sex addict who thinks you’re too clingy, start downing a 40. When everyone around you is either a vampire, werewolf, or dead because you are a death-magnet, apologize and then get wasted. Since I haven’t yet found myself in the hole per say, I can confidently make a list of everything they do on television to deal.  It’ll be sort of like a to-do list for any future failures I may endure. **This does not include reality shows. Those people had a TON of problems before they were on reality television**

  1. When you hit rock bottom, chug a few of those complimentary bottles of liquor…and a few bottles of whatever is in your house…and sing “If You Like Pina Coladas”. Alone. Crying.

    I’m still debating whether or not Scooby Doo was a good influence or not. Always breaking into people houses to investigate without the police. Ummm where’s your warrant?
  2. Vow to run a marathon in effort to hide your denial. For a cause or not.
  3. Repeatedly tell people you’re okay when they don’t ask. Make sure to call everyone in your phone just to be sure everyone knows you are having the time of your life…*cough* denial *cough*
  4. Splurge on anything you want and say it’s part of your “healing process”.
  5. Make public outbursts part of your weekly routine. Especially at outside eateries (whatever they are called in Korea). *A Korean drama specialty*
  6. Make heavy drinking part of your daily routine. Morning, noon, and night. Shots, shots, shots, shots!
  7. Assume everyone is talking about you. They were judging you with their eyes! Feel free to slap a bitch.
  8. Make your employees’ lives a living hell.
  9. Suddenly have the urge to get married, have a baby, or break up. Right now!
  10. Go out every night. Bars are your best option to get a lot of attention from a lot of sexy people. Or that’s what you’ll think is happening once you’ve completely blacked out.
  11. Your house is a hotel and you’re open for business. Breakfast not included.
  12. Netflix is your new best friend. Cry, cry, cry everytime Rose let’s Jack freeze to death. That bitch.
  13. Eat as much as you want. Remember that deep-fried, chocolate, cream-filled donut that you always eye at the supermarket? Buy ten. No one will care. You are no longer loved!

What is wrong with people?

Hitting rock bottom apparently means that I can expect myself to do any self-damaging, obnoxious, inconsiderate, or flat-out insane thing I can think of because I’m so unhappy.

Having to “justify” your reckless actions by blaming it on your issues will never be better than choosing to fix them instead.

I admit, there have been times where I felt like the only think I could do was quit. I may have felt like eating two boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, but I didn’t. Yes, I talked to God, but mostly I tried to find inspiration from people who felt “stuck” like I did. With a little inspiration from my friends from The Middle Finger Project, Cordelia Calls It Quits, and quotes from my favorite authors (okay, they aren’t really my friends but that’s besides the point), I have pulled myself up whenever I was feeling down. It’s nice to hear that someone else has to deal with the same crap you do once in a while. Maybe they punched a clown, ended up in jail, and then learned from their experience, which they now share with you. They just saved you a trip to jail!

And not just bloggers gave me inspiration, but the people closest to me shared some words of wisdom.

“Life’s a bitch and then you die” is no longer catch-phrase I want to humorously live by.

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” 
― Dr. Seuss

What these shows should have been preaching:

  • Find your stability.
  • Think positively.
  • Allow yourself to make mistakes once in a while.
  • Challenge yourself.
  • Wait to chug that bottle of champagne later when you are celebrating your accomplishments.

Making stupid decisions like the protagonists you see on television won’t have the same outcome when you try it in real life. The show “Intervention” isa show documenting real people who couldn’t get up after hitting rock bottom.

Don’t mind me. I’m busy being fabulous.

Just because someone isn’t there to kiss your boo-boos, doesn’t mean you can’t do it yourself. Fine, eat a ton of food or run a marathon. But trying to deny your problems shouldn’t become a habit. They’ll just be there again in the morning.

No matter how hard it is, pushing someone out of a 30-foot tower will not making it any better. That I learned from Game of Thrones.

I have to keep telling myself: Everything will be okay, you beautiful, fantastic, capable girl.

A phrase much better than a “Keep Calm” quote.

Top Image by: ARA 3Xilos Some rights reserved.

Second Image by: Todd Ehlers

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